CIA – Computer Industry Acronyms

CD-ROM: Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete in Months
PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
SCSI: System Can’t See It
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
WINDOWS: Will Install Needless Data On Whole System
OS/2: Obsolete Soon, Too
PnP: Plug and Pray
APPLE: Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity
IBM: I Blame Microsoft
MICROSOFT: Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
LISP: Lots of Insipid and Stupid Parentheses
MACINTOSH: Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.


IT guru


A programmer’s wish

A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. “My Lord, I’m at your service, I can grant you any wish, but only ONE.”

The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”

The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millenia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”

The programmer then says, “Well, I am a MS programmer, and we have lots of users. Please make all our users satisfied with our software and let them ask for sensible changes….”

At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again PLEASE.”


Warning is nothing

A programmer is smoking a cigarette and blowing smoke rings into the air. His girlfriend becomes irritated with the smoke and says, “Can’t you see the warning on the cigarette pack? Smoking is hazardous to your health!”

To which the man replies, “Warning is nothing! A programmer doesn’t worry about warnings; we only worry about errors.”


IT support

Programming is like sex:
One mistake and you have to support your child for the rest of your life.


Both hands

In an elementary school, the teacher gives school work to the class in PC lab. Everybody typing except little John. The teacher asks him:
– John, why aren’t you typing?
– I’m exhausted because of sex.
– That should not be a problem, type with your other hand, you must be able to type with two hands by now.


Use Find method against Cells collection to detemine the last used Row, Column in Excel

Function lastUsedRow() As Long
On Error Resume Next
Dim lLastRow As Integer
lLastRow = Cells.Find(What:=”*”, after:=Range(“A1″), SearchOrder:=xlByRows, _
SearchDirection:=xlPrevious).Row
If lLastRow = 0 Then
lLastRow = 1
End If
lastUsedRow = lLastRow

End Function

Function lastUsedCol() As Long
On Error Resume Next
Dim lLastCol As Integer
lLastCol = Cells.Find(What:=”*”, after:=Range(“A1”), SearchOrder:=xlByColumns, _
SearchDirection:=xlPrevious).Column
If lLastCol = 0 Then
lLastCol = 1
End If
lastUsedCol = lLastCol

End Function